Another week begins with me waving a sleepy goodbye to Trader Joe's and looking forward to four days of no motivation and not enough time to do everything.
How am I expected to make a living like this? The requirements: discipline, reliability, responsibility, solitude, goals, a clear vision of what's to come and how to get there...which of these is supposed to describe me? A terrifying concept considering that I do not possess even one.
My nerves are splayed and short-circuiting, I'm crying at commercials and puppies tied up outside grocery stores--much less valid issues like the loss of my roommates rent check and the $158 I apparently owe some diagnostic lab for a biopsy done in February and the complete failure of the first workshop I set up and my boyfriend's sudden apathetic abandonment.
My car registration is overdue. My day job is sucking my soul out of all my orifices simultaneously. My friends all seem very far away, in worlds of their own problems. I can count on one hand the number of people I actually like anymore, and out of those, only one or two still come around.
I have a perpetual knot in the base of my stomach that makes me want to start crying and never stop.
How did I think this was going to work out? My incessant naivety strikes again.
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Hey...that kinda hurts :(
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