Sunday, May 16, 2010

What Would You Do If I Followed You?

I began a letter to a past love, an allegedly short and sweet little note that was supposed to sum up my honest and forthrightly-stated thoughts and feelings that linger since we broke up and have yet to be expressed. This resulted in a three-page long scathing account of our relationship in which he escapes no pointing finger of blame and is depicted as a crawling, useless, stunted little demon. Apparently, I still have some issues.

And in answer to a question asked earlier today: yes, ALL of my ex-boyfriends who seem perfectly nice in the beginning end up being assholes in the end. Present company not at all excluded. In fact, present company shoots right to the top of the asshole list.

I had to spend two whole days being nice to the biggest prick I know. Wine helped, and the weekend was hilarious regardless. But man-oh-man, it's not the easiest thing in the world for me to do. I just ended up hitting my other friend a lot in misdirected frustration.

God, what a douchebag.

I got three lines to what is supposed to be the final re-read of the novel and gave up. I hate this book so much now. I don't want to read it anymore.





Sunday, March 7, 2010

She's Got a Serrated Edge That She Moves Back and Forth; It's Such a Simple Machine, She Doesn't Have To Use Force

Less than a half-hour ago, I walked in the door wanting to collapse into a pile of pillows (ecstatic that I remembered to clean my room before leaving for the weekend) and found that all the paintings from one wall in the living room had been moved onto my bed earlier this morning as part of a painting venture of my mother's. Once those had been cleared out, I rested a weary body finally and began what will hopefully be a full recovery from the events of yesterday before five o' clock tomorrow when I have to go back to work.

The weekend involved the usual debauchery: I spent a little over twenty-four hours in a tiny studio in Westwood, Los Angeles, with two old friends and a couple new ones. We made a pilgrimage to Amoeba to fatten up Tony's emerging vinyl collection (a new obsession after the purchase of a turntable on Ebay) and between the four of us left with probably at least fifty dollars worth of dollar-bin records. With a constant supply of coffee and tea at the ready, we played a continuous stream of increasingly ridiculous music while smoking half an eighth of weed, drinking wine, and attempting a card game or two. After a two a.m. walk to the grocery store for snacks, we finally passed out in various positions around the room with haze around our brains and woke up in about the same state of mind.

This morning, I drank three cups of coffee before we left the apartment at twelve-thirty to get breakfast and had four more cups with my brioche. By the time we were halfway through Garden State at three, I was crashing heavily. Brendan and I grabbed In 'N' Out on the way back home, both of us dying for showers and our beds during the entire two hours of the drive.

Actually being home, however, has me anxious and I mostly just want my brother to call and invite me over to watch the Oscars on their DVR.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Love Takes a Taxi, a Young Man Drives

Sitting in silence among grey matter like a tenacious speck of dirt in an unlucky eyeball, serving no purpose beyond causing slight discomfort and frustration. Just marinating, biding time, in no hurry to somehow bring an end to a torturous reign of mixed signals and seemingly arbitrary allowances. The unsuspecting, guiltless face is an utterly seamless facade hiding either great wealth to be protected or ugly dark corners that, if I'm lucky, I'll never get the chance to see. I've lost several fingernails trying to find a crease, a small crack in the foundation, a gap in the many layers that hang behind kaleidoscope irises like white sheets draped over an Italian leather sofa.

Too many accidental song references one sentence.